Wednesday, Blessings and Anticipations

So, some of this is kinda graphic information, but I decided that it is important for other people to understand what infertility means and what one has to go through to deal with it. If it's too uncomfortable for you to read, that's up to your discretion, but for those who want to know, here it is:

Today I got a call from Dr. York's office (the OB-GYN) to set up an appointment with her. I can't get in for an annual exam until December, but can get in earlier to talk to Dr. York about getting pregnant. I have an appointment scheduled for October 27th to do so. I'm still waiting on a call back from Dr. Balsom's office about the results of my progesterone test. After scheduling the appointment, I began to research online the types of tests that I may have to undergo. The one that Dr. Balsom mentioned yesterday seems extremely uncomfortable now that I have discovered what it is. It is called a hysterosalpingogram. Basically, they make you empty your bladder and bowels (by means of suppositories or laxatives, if necessary). Then, you lay without any clothes on, on your back with your legs in the air, as they insert an iodine dye into you. They then watch this dye on an X-Ray to watch how it flows through your uterus and your fallopian tubes. This will reveal if there are any blockages or a reason why the egg is not implanting in your uterus. In addition to being a bit uncomfortable, physically, causing a bit of stomach cramping, it also is obviously extremely uncomfortable emotionally. Realizing what an invasive process this procedure is hit me kinda hard today.

I realized that each test will only lead to more and more tests, regardless of the result of each. If my progesterone test comes back as too low, then I have to undergo treatments to increase it or counter-act it. If it comes back as high enough, then I have to go through with the hysterosalpingogram to see if that is the problem instead. Furthermore, if it comes back showing no blockage, then I have to go through the next test which may be one that tests the quality of cervical fluid to make sure it isn't harmful to the sperm. It is easy to think that going to the doctor and getting a test or receiving a specific treatment is as easy as having blood drawn and taking a pill, but the reality is that each test and procedure gets more and more invasive. Before this, trying to conceive has been in the comfort of my own bedroom, but now I'll be putting myself in extremely vulnerable positions, some painful or uncomfortable side effects, and dealing with the emotional process of it all on top of that.

I am extremely grateful for the ability to go through this step at this point in the process. I feel blessed to have an insurance that will contribute to much of the costs when most insurance companies don't pitch in a single dime. The past year has been difficult as I have described my struggle to people who simply don't understand. The responses have been mixed- from those who feel extremely sympathetic and pray for me to those who brush off my concerns with misleading advice. And, regardless of how much they care, none of these people can correct the problem. Even if the doctors conclude, after a series of tests, that nothing is wrong, then at least we know that rather than continuing to wonder if some unknown problem is hindering our conception.

So, while I'm a bit nervous of what the upcoming months may bring, I'm thankful for all of the possibilities it entails. And I'll keep you updated as to what happens...