I began this blog when I was 23 years old and my husband, Jesse was only 21. That was in December of 2007 when we decided that we wanted to bring a baby into our family. We had no idea all that decision entailed. Back then I had a false assumption that I was super-fertile and would get pregnant even while on birth control. Well, I was off of birth control for over a year, went through all of the fertility testing, and then was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility".

This past year has been one of the most difficult I have ever been through. I ran the emotional gauntlet on this issue, ranging from intense sadness and heartache to anger towards God to total peace about what He is doing. God began to show me how He was using my infertility as a ministry. It is my hope to share my testimony with others so that they may either be encouraged as they face their own infertility or educated as they learn what infertility entails. More than that, though, I hope that the things I share point others to God regardless of what they are going through.

When I first began this blog, the entries were kept private. But I have decided to open everything up in order to let people see the raw truth of the struggle. I strive to find the fine line between sharing the truth and sharing too much information. However, it is my desire to share my heart, regardless. And I have learned that there is never "too much information" in the world of infertility.

After being diagnosed with unexplained infertility on November 17, 2008, I was put on a round of 50mg of Clomid to strengthen the quality and quantity of my eggs. I suppose it was how God chose to work because I became pregnant that very cycle.

In order to be sensitive to those who are still going through infertility, I have opened up a new blog about my pregnancy. I am maintaining this one, though, hoping that it serves as a testimony to anyone who may be going through infertility at the time they come across my site. If you want to follow my life's journey, check out my other blogs. And if you would like, please don't hesitate to email me:

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Lately, I've been struggling with what to write on this blog, not for lack of something to say but really because the things I've been going through are kinda all over the place. Some of them are not infertility related, but affect me nonetheless. These are difficult to describe, though, because they affect the people closest to me, and frankly, if I said exactly what's on my mind, it may offend someone directly related and cause a lot of unnecessary drama. Yet, I struggle with tiptoeing around the issue because this IS my blog, and I want to say what I'm going through, especially if God is teaching me something through it. Other things I'm going through are more related to the issues of this blog, but I'm still at a loss for words to express what's on my heart.

Truth be told, I've started writing this blog at least 4 times already. I have 2 rough drafts saved in my "drafts", both just stopping part way through it. As I was in the shower this morning, I thought about a different way to approach all of the issues, but also thought that I would like to do just a general update of my trying to conceive journey.

When I began this blog, I simply started it as a way to chronicle the things I went through in getting pregnant. As the months added up, though, it became a way for me to vent my frustrations through the process. And, as I came to terms with my infertility, it became a way for me to engage with other people who are going through the same things. Here, we have a mutual ministry. I am so thankful for each and every person whose blog I am connected to. They speak to me in unbelievable ways, helping me to stay strong and encouraging me that I'm not alone. I look at my own blog as a ministry as well. I hope that the things that I share help others to see God in their journey as well. But, I do not want to neglect the simple day-to-day aspects of this process because they are not deeply profound. I still want this to be the chronicle I started it off to be.

So, I say all of this leading up to my current cycle, which is probably the most bizarre I've ever experienced. Normally, I start my period on cycle day 1, am done with it by cycle day 5. Then I usually a positive ovulation test around cycle day 11-12 and ovulate by cycle day 13. During this time, my basal body temperature is in the 96.0-97.0 range. The day after ovulation occurs (usually cycle day 14) my temperature spikes up to the 97.0-98.0 range and stays there until my period is just about to start again, when it drops back down to the 96.0-97.0 range. This usually is about 13 days.

(A totally normal chart from last month)

However, this cycle has been totally different. As most of you know, my cycle began on November 14th. On November 17th (cycle day 4), I had my last blood test, received my official diagnosis of "unexplained infertility", and was written a prescription for Clomid. I started the Clomid the very next day (cycle day 5) and was supposed to continue it until Saturday the 22nd (cycle day 9). I decided to take the pills just before bed because I've heard the side effects can be horrendous with hot flashes, cramps, headaches, bloating, etc. I had also heard that it could make you drowsy, so I figured that I could just take it before bed and sleep off any side effects. In general, I didn't experience any side effects. I think it did make me drowsy because that first night I slept more soundly than I had in months, sleeping through things that normally wake me up easily. The only other possible side effect was that my period seemed to last much longer than normal as I was still spotting 2 days past my normal length. It was hard to find other people who have experienced this, but I did find someone who seemed to have the same experience, so I assume it really was the Clomid.

After that, my temperature seemed to be all over the place. At the high points, it was over 97.0, but wasn't staying there. Instead, it would drop to a low below 96.0, much lower than normal. Furthermore, I didn't get a positive ovulation test until yesterday (cycle day 15) and I have yet to see a significant rise in my temperature to indicate that ovulation has occurred.

(My current cycle)

The later ovulation occurs, the longer my whole cycle lasts since generally your luteal phase (from ovulation to next period) stays relatively the same. I don'really know what to expect this month. I guess my new "go-with-the-flow", no script mentality is being tested :-)

I still plan on posting a more in-depth blog soon. Thanks for bearing with me through the mundane. In other news, I have a great day planned for today. In lieu of my very romantic date night we had planned for tonight, I decided to go with the very fun date day in which we will go see a funny movie, get our Christmas tree and decorate, and go out and do some fun activity. YAY! I'm super excited! Definitely more pics to come :-)


Jim and April said...

i have no comforting words my friend but I too am having a crazy messed up cycle...i have been bleeding/spotting for like two weeks...no clue what is up! I hope your cycle straightens itself out though!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Clomid made my cycle temps go crazy too. And I ovulated late - at least by a couple days.

And I can totally relate to you with what to talk about on your blog. It's hard to find a balance...

Jim and April said...

hi! I just saw your video on the right side of your page...i too have it but I cant figure out how to make mine small like yours...would you mind letting me know if you get a movement! Thanks!

Jim and April said...

thanks for your wonderful comment and your help with the videos! It definitely worked ... it was fun figuring it out too! I am learning so much these days with all this blog stuff! Its fun! Thanks so much!

Melody said...

I can relate with not having the freedom to write your true feelings on your blog. I do censor mine somewhate. But I also have an alternate place online where I write private things only to a small list of people, fellow sisters in Christ. I encourage everyone to do the same. There are times when you NEED to get out what's inside.

Clomid did something similar to me on my first cycle of it. The next time around things seemed to be more even. I ovulated much later with Clomid than I now do with Soy. On Clomid I o'd between CD 16-20 (it varied everything month). On Soy I ovulate on CD 9 consistantly. Hopefully this first cycle will be the only one that's a bit crazy like this one. BTW, I think the very definition of battling infertility is "going with the flow".

As for the comment on my blog, thank you for your words of wisdom. I needed to hear that tonight.