Part 3- Final Part

As a conclusion to my blogs about my weeks, I wanted to share the most encouraging thing I have witnessed. Last weekend, I was home alone which I didn't want to be, working on an art project that I didn't want to do, and I was watching SuperNanny. Normally, this show consists of Nanny Jo Frost coming to the aid of families whose children lack discipline and need some structure and rules. That's an understatement. Often they kids run and scream and hit and cuss. Jo teaches the parents some techniques to implement which teaches the kids to obey.

This episode was very different, though. The mom, Antoinette, was in her late 30's or so. The dad, Dwight, was in his mid-40's, and they had a 2 year old daughter and 5 month old son. When they met through a best friend Rolin, everyone in their circle of friends knew they were meant for each other. The pair of them didn't waste time... they married and bought their first home together in Southern California. Their idyllic life got even better when Antoinette realized they were pregnant with their first child, daughter Selah. Dwight was promoted at work as an engineer and brought home an executive's salary. They were a happy little family, with the normal challenges of guiding daughter Selah through her terrible twos and making a house into a home. More good news came when Antoinette learned she and Dwight were pregnant again and she would give birth to a son. That's when their lives were shattered. Dwight learned the stomach ulcers he was being treated for had been misdiagnosed--he actually had stage III gastric cancer. He lived for another eight months, long enough to spend a few months with his newborn son, and died on August 14, 2008. His deathbed wish was for his wife to carry on and be a happy mom to their kids. The day before her husband died, Antoinette called Supernanny asking for help learning to parent alone. Emotions run high when Jo Frost arrives shortly thereafter. Dwight had passed away 2 weeks earlier, and Antoinette, who was dealing with a 2 very young kids, had no time to grieve the death of her husband.

Along with teaching the mom some tips about having a routine and feeding her kids, Jo took the mom out to the park to process some of the feelings she was experiencing. They went to an isolated park where Jo asked the mom how she was feeling. She began to cry, saying that she was angry. Jo asked her, "Why are you angry?" The mom replied with tears streaming down her face in total agony, "Because he left me! It wasn't supposed to be this way! I waited a long time to get married and have kids. Why can't I have just a little more time? I finally had what I was supposed to have. We were a team. We had a plan! Now, I have to come up with a different plan, and I have to do it alone!"

As I watched, I sobbed. My heart broke for her. I couldn't imagine losing the love of my life and being left to raise our kids by myself. I thought, "I never want to experience that."

As the show continued, Jo had the mom record videos telling the kids stories about their dad for them to know about him as they grew up. These stories included tales of their engagement and things that he liked to do. All of it so that his legacy could live on. At the end of the show, Jo surprised the mom with videos her husbands friends had made. One friend told the kids stories about how their dad reacted to each of their births. When their daughter Selah was born, he said that her dad went out and bought 250 dresses for her. He was just so excited to doll up his little princess. And when their son was born, he was so proud to have a son. He said that Dwight never was angry at God for his illness. He never felt short-changed for having to leave his family early. Instead, He was thankful for every day that God gave him. I was amazed by this statement. I think you could be completely justified in feeling short-changed because you have to leave your young family. I can understand why his wife would feel short-changed for losing her husband and being left alone. I don't blame my brother-in-law Michael for feeling short-changed in his divorce or even his wife for feeling short-changed. Heck, I often feel short-changed in my infertility.

It didn't occur to me until the next day when I saw my piece of artwork hanging on the sanctuary walls- a silhouette of a man falling into the arms of God. This was paired with the song lyrics, "I feel like I'm falling into the arms of a mighty God." It didn't occur to me until we sang that song and I looked at that silhouette and realized that I had been drawing it with tears streaming down my face as I watched that show. It didn't occur to me until then that falling is often scary. When we fall down, we're likely to get hurt. When we are dreaming and feel like we're falling, it's often associated with terror and we often wake up in a panic. No one likes to fall... And when we're falling, it's easy to feel short-changed. You don't think that you deserve to have to fall.

But when we realize that we're falling into the arms of a mighty God, when we realize that sometimes it feels like we're falling but that God is ready to catch us and we'll land unharmed, then we can realize that falling doesn't equate to being short-changed. Dwight knew he wasn't being short-changed in his premature death. Michael isn't being short-changed in his divorce. And I am not short-changed in my infertility. And when it feels like I'm falling, I can rest assured that I will land safely in the arms of a very mighty God.