I began this blog when I was 23 years old and my husband, Jesse was only 21. That was in December of 2007 when we decided that we wanted to bring a baby into our family. We had no idea all that decision entailed. Back then I had a false assumption that I was super-fertile and would get pregnant even while on birth control. Well, I was off of birth control for over a year, went through all of the fertility testing, and then was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility".

This past year has been one of the most difficult I have ever been through. I ran the emotional gauntlet on this issue, ranging from intense sadness and heartache to anger towards God to total peace about what He is doing. God began to show me how He was using my infertility as a ministry. It is my hope to share my testimony with others so that they may either be encouraged as they face their own infertility or educated as they learn what infertility entails. More than that, though, I hope that the things I share point others to God regardless of what they are going through.

When I first began this blog, the entries were kept private. But I have decided to open everything up in order to let people see the raw truth of the struggle. I strive to find the fine line between sharing the truth and sharing too much information. However, it is my desire to share my heart, regardless. And I have learned that there is never "too much information" in the world of infertility.

After being diagnosed with unexplained infertility on November 17, 2008, I was put on a round of 50mg of Clomid to strengthen the quality and quantity of my eggs. I suppose it was how God chose to work because I became pregnant that very cycle.

In order to be sensitive to those who are still going through infertility, I have opened up a new blog about my pregnancy. I am maintaining this one, though, hoping that it serves as a testimony to anyone who may be going through infertility at the time they come across my site. If you want to follow my life's journey, check out my other blogs. And if you would like, please don't hesitate to email me:

Monday, February 4, 2008

Monday, Hope

Recently at church, Shelley Alameda has been given a ministry from God. He impresses upon her an ailment experienced by someone in the body. She announces it at church and prays over them for healing. After church was over 3 weeks ago, my mom pulled me aside and told me that while I was in the nursery, Shelley announced that the Lord had shown her someone with heartburn/acid reflux and someone with infertility. She immediately thought of me and felt like, even though we don't know for sure that something is wrong, it would ease my mind to be prayed over. I called Jesse over and relayed the information to him who agreed and said he'd thought of me immediately as well. So we went over to Shelley and asked her to pray over us. As we left the prayer room, Shelley told me that she had originally thought the word was for someone else until she saw me walk up to do the announcements. It was then that she realized I had been in the nursery and never heard the word from the Lord. She knew instantly that it was for me. For me, it was like God told me, "See, I have your back before you even knew that there was a potential problem." That gave me a peace about the situation. But i knew that I'd have to remember to continue to trust in God no matter what happened.

One week later, Jesse asked me how long I'd wait without conceiving before worrying if something was truly wrong. i told him that my biggest problem is that doctors don't typically consider you infertile until you've been trying, without birth control, for over a year. I had only been off of birth control for 3 months, but the previous 4 months that I was on the pill, I never took it consistently and could've possibly become pregnant at any time, making it 7 months of failure to conceive rather than 3. I wasn't sure what the doctor would consider seriously, though. So I said that while I probably would start freaking out by April or May, I don't know that I could even talk to a doctor about infertility until at least July. It was then that Jesse told me how Jim and Anna struggled to conceive a baby when they first got married. Jim got tested and was diagnosed with a low sperm count, and there was a possibility that Jesse may also be inflicted with the same thing. It was then that I realized it took my mom 4 years to get pregnant and suffered from a miscarriage the first time, also considered infertility. So, after some research and consideration, Jesse and I decided that if I don't end up pregnant by my next period date, we will schedule an appointment with our doctor just to let him know that we are trying to conceive and get any feedback or advice. We can let him know about our family history and see what he considers to be the best course of action, whether we should wait, be tested, and then possibly receive fertility treatments.

Since then, I calculated my ovulation and fertility dates and made sure to do everything I could to ensure optimal fertility. I began taking prenatal vitamins and elevated my feet after having sex each time. Jesse has been awesome. It means a lot to me that he is willing to take every step towards getting me pregnant in order to meet my desires- and that his desires are the same as mine.

Now that my most fertile days are over, I am awaiting the day my period is supposed to start. I am debating whether I should take a pregnancy test this Thursday or wait until Tuesday when my period is supposed to start. I am hopeful that things will be different this month since I have done all that I can physically do and because of the prayer and word from God, but I fear the worst, afraid that I'll go through the pain all over again. By the next time I write, I should have some answers.

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