I began this blog when I was 23 years old and my husband, Jesse was only 21. That was in December of 2007 when we decided that we wanted to bring a baby into our family. We had no idea all that decision entailed. Back then I had a false assumption that I was super-fertile and would get pregnant even while on birth control. Well, I was off of birth control for over a year, went through all of the fertility testing, and then was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility".

This past year has been one of the most difficult I have ever been through. I ran the emotional gauntlet on this issue, ranging from intense sadness and heartache to anger towards God to total peace about what He is doing. God began to show me how He was using my infertility as a ministry. It is my hope to share my testimony with others so that they may either be encouraged as they face their own infertility or educated as they learn what infertility entails. More than that, though, I hope that the things I share point others to God regardless of what they are going through.

When I first began this blog, the entries were kept private. But I have decided to open everything up in order to let people see the raw truth of the struggle. I strive to find the fine line between sharing the truth and sharing too much information. However, it is my desire to share my heart, regardless. And I have learned that there is never "too much information" in the world of infertility.

After being diagnosed with unexplained infertility on November 17, 2008, I was put on a round of 50mg of Clomid to strengthen the quality and quantity of my eggs. I suppose it was how God chose to work because I became pregnant that very cycle.

In order to be sensitive to those who are still going through infertility, I have opened up a new blog about my pregnancy. I am maintaining this one, though, hoping that it serves as a testimony to anyone who may be going through infertility at the time they come across my site. If you want to follow my life's journey, check out my other blogs. And if you would like, please don't hesitate to email me:

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

To Let You All Know

So far I have kept this blog private. As I have struggled with trying to conceive, I have recorded many of my deepest thoughts and fears, when I didn't know how to express them to those around me. The previous entries have so far been concealed, figuring that no one was going to read this anyway, and that most people may not even want to. I also hoped that once I got pregnant, I would have a record of everything I went through to get there. When my children were teenagers, I could look back at what I had written so long ago and know that it had all been worth it.

I don't write these entries for anyone else. So I'm not hiding anything. Sometimes there may be too much information since it wasn't written for others to read. I don't make any apologies. I just figure that you should know the context it was written in.

I'm choosing now to open some of the blogs as public, figuring that it actually makes it easier to deal with when others know how difficult of a time I am having going through it. I will probably make the previous ones public as time goes on.

More than anything, I want these blogs to allow others to understand what it is like to struggle with infertility, and hopefully make those who don't deal with it more sympathetic.

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